she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize