accomplished twins. life is a go
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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