I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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