It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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