Cold hands, warm shart.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Randomize
