You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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