She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
