so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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