I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
