we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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