He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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