I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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