Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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