the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
