dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Randomize
