My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
