dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
