just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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