I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
zippers are such a cool invention
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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