Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
