is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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