i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
