My first STD was from a foam party
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
