how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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