I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
