you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
