I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
porn star boner night. come get it.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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