My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
