hell yes lets make some ravioli
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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