something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You took a bar mat shot.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize