He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
