You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish ðŸ€
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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