Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
