Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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