They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
