im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
