dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
