I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
