we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
