there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
