She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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