just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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