I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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