if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
