i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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