This girl is more easily done than said...
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
