I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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