She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
