I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
