why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
