Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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