Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Come share oat with me in your robe
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Randomize
