You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
