Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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