Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
