I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
