ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
