Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
