I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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