Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
