70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Randomize
