New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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