You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
